seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
