like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
