ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
