Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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