Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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