My liver just broke up with me...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
