Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
