how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
