What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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