i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
