you guys were way drunker than both of me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
