I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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