butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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