You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
