allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
