420 ftw
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
