dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
