Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
