We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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