I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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