i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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