So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
