he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
