We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
