She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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