She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
