Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
