So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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