if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
