Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
