what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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