Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Someone signed my nipple.
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