Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Never joke about your clitoris.
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