if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
