Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
