Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
