haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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