She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
