On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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