The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How's work?
Spinning.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
