If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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