I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
