ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
