I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
