Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
