he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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