I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
