I just threw up on my dentist
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
