Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
3 2 1 whiskey
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
