we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
