So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
