I have demons in me.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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