the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
there is glitter all over my balls
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
