Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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