Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
