I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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