Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
