You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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