: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is Oprah even human
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
