So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
