mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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