i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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