perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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