You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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