Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
