whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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