over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
