Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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