you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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