i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh