No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.