remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on