I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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