Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u

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  (734): I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u http://tfl.nu/md4z
  Replies (11) Good night (7440) Bad night (1642)
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  (818): View more from California

  Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"

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  (818): Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is" http://tfl.nu/fthj
  Replies (43) Good night (7544) Bad night (2015)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps

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  (904): i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps http://tfl.nu/x84f
  Replies (85) Good night (6407) Bad night (601)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.

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  (651): asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night. http://tfl.nu/52m5
  Replies (13) Good night (1613) Bad night (712)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.

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  (518): Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass. http://tfl.nu/ms9b
  Replies (25) Good night (1653) Bad night (1554)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.

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  (775): If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you. http://tfl.nu/tyav
  Replies (4) Good night (1691) Bad night (773)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...

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  (401): All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage... http://tfl.nu/w66w
  Replies (3) Good night (1248) Bad night (623)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.

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  (803): One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big. http://tfl.nu/i8v0
  Replies (10) Good night (1153) Bad night (568)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.

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  (+44): Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10. http://tfl.nu/gv39
  Replies (4) Good night (973) Bad night (431)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.

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  (601): I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago. http://tfl.nu/p44l
  Replies (4) Good night (800) Bad night (368)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker

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  (703): The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker http://tfl.nu/7qsu
  Replies (6) Good night (798) Bad night (492)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you think the firemen will remember me?

  (315): View more from New York

  Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.

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  (617): Do you think the firemen will remember me? (315): Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants. http://tfl.nu/g199
  Replies (2) Good night (520) Bad night (560)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal

  (425): View more from Washington

  Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.

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  (425): Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal (425): Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens. http://tfl.nu/rxfs
  Replies (0) Good night (679) Bad night (329)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?

  (1-518): View more from New York

  ...you should fill the cart some more

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  (518): Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it? (1-518): ...you should fill the cart some more http://tfl.nu/ls8l
  Replies (3) Good night (593) Bad night (332)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked

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  (425): My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked http://tfl.nu/kxqx
  Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (462)

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