I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.