I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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