Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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