I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
