i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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