just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
