hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
soo... how was my night?
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