i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
