haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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