enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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