My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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