She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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