in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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