I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I believe in your delicious
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
