well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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