Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
