Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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