My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
