Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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